Wow

I must say the swim meet was amazing. I mean, my times sucked, but I barely cared about the times. Actually being around other people has cheered me up so much. It gave me a burst of confidence, I guess.  I didn't think once of the whole ordeal yesterday or today. Well, until now, because I'm writing this.

Really, even though it may be selfish, I feel happy. I'm going to resume going to swim practice tomorrow, so I can have some sort of social-ness again. Since I'm homeschooled, not doing schoolwork isn't too much of a worry right now. I was ahead in my work before this happened, and I can cram into the summer once James returns, and everything passes. It will pass.

I'm going to visit Mike, Ken's nephew, tomorrow too. He wasn't at the swim meet at all, so I have no idea how he's feeling. He's been one of my closest friends for a really long time. I honestly hope he isn't distraught, because I know it's partially my fault.

I do have an ulterior motive though. He might know something too. I highly doubt it, but I'm going to use my camera as a sound/video recorder anyway. If he does know something, the camera will preserve it.

Now that the swim meet is over, all the paranoia and the worries and the insecurities creep back. It's been silent since Ken was killed. The Howler said he--they--would have "fun" with me soon. My brother is probably involved in that fun, seeing as he's considered "bait".

This will sound so corny, but bring it on. I don't care what they do at this point, I just want him back. I want our normal lives back.