Entry #54

I almost stabbed my dad last night. I saw a shadow on the wall in my room at about 4 A.M., and I waited until I saw whatever was stepping into my room. I had the knife next to me, under the sheet, and I had my eyes mostly closed so it would look like I was asleep.

The shadow--my dad, but I didn't know it--moved until it was by my bed, and that's when I jumped up. I got so lucky, because my dad shouted and dodged away before I could bring the knife forward. If he hadn't moved, I would have gotten him right in the stomach.

Of course, I saw it was my dad immediately afterward. I dropped the knife, and my knees started wobbling. I think my dad would have started yelling at me, but he was just too shocked. He got up and just stumbled out of the room. I stayed up for another hour, basically thinking of what could have happened, then went to sleep. I had the worst nightmare where I actually stabbed my dad--but I knew I was stabbing him, and I was doing it on purpose. I may have actually screamed out loud, because I woke up and my throat felt really raw.

I can't believe how lucky I was. If I had just brought the knife forward a little more, if Dad hadn't moved...

I just woke up an hour ago, about 1 P.M., and ate breakfast. My parents didn't come downstairs yet, they're still talking in their room. I want to apologize or something, but I don't want to barge into the room.

The Howler knew what I was planning, I think. I just have a feeling he knew. That's why he didn't show up today. Every other day I wake up and feel as if something has been in my room, but when I woke up there was nothing like that. It could just be because I woke up so late, but I don't think so. He knew.

I'm going to sit down with the code now. Since it's sleeting outside, I can't do anything else. I think it's a Playfair cipher, that's why the Howler wrote playfair as one word. But why did he write it backwards? And is there some keyword I'm missing?

Thank you, whoever is trying to help me with the code. All of you guys, I'm so thankful.

R.C.