I really really like snow. I mean, white and fluffy and all. But not when it freaking blots out any clues I might have found, and doesn't let me go out without freezing my toes and fingers off, even though I'm wearing gloves and boots.
I mean, come on! It's like the clouds are forcing me to stay inside. And they know I don't like it inside, especially without any computer except my dad's. Staying inside is just making me more and more jumpy. I keep seeing the cats darting up and down the stairs and thinking it's...something else.
Ditto when I look outside. Well, it's not cats out there, we have our cats strictly inside. I just think I see something walking or running, but there's never anything. I'm completely sure of this with the new snow and everything, because there aren't any footprints.
I tried to go outside today, but as I said...frozen toes and fingers definitely coerced me to go into the warm house. So I'm just waiting in the house more...
Well, until tomorrow. We're going to try to get a new desktop computer tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be able to get outside to look in the snow for any clues. I'm going to go down to the old horse barn in the field by the pond. Nothing's been there since the horse died when I was 8 or 9, but I figure it's as good a starting point as anything. I'll film all the way. Hopefully I can add it from the new computer when I get back.
I'm probably visiting Mike on Saturday--I've been trying not to think about it. It just brings all the bad thoughts back, worse than ever. It's like a knife in my gut, I can actually feel pain when I think and write about it. Just the same questions, what if the same thing happened to James, what if the kidnappers are lying to me, what if I'm next...
So I'm going to stop thinking about it, and try to go to sleep. G'night.
R.C.
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