Entry #86

I haven't had the will to type anything up lately. All my energy has been sapped. I don't even feel like writing this, but I know people want to see what's happening. Good Lord, this isn't why I started a blog. I started this blog to write about my life, about music I love, about my sports. And now it's turned into some sort of exploitation of my brother's goddamn abduction. Now Danny's disappearance, too. Nobody ever deserves this. My family doesn't deserve this.

I don't have any energy. I helped with the search parties for Danny. I described him to the police, when I last saw him, if he was acting strange (he wasn't), so on. They weren't very optimistic. Danny was--is--seventeen. Usually seventeen-year-olds don't go missing. And of course I couldn't say anything about Locust.

I can just feel everything piling on my head, all the stress weighing me down. I have friends' lives in my hands. And I can't tell the police, because they'll think I did something to Danny. They already think my mental health was affected by our ordeal with James.

To top it all off, remember that I mentioned my parents were talking about the funeral? Well, the funeral is the weekend after this. They told me this morning. I told them I knew they were planning it already, and then I just went back to my room and didn't say anything else. My dad left for work without saying goodbye to me or my mom.

I haven't seen anything chaotic, anything that could let me find Locust or James. It's strange, now, how I automatically think of James and Locust together. I need to find something bad, no matter how much it hurts the people involved. I think even a car accident would be fine. Anything in this area would be fine, because not much happens. James's abduction and Danny's disappearance were, in fact, the largest happenings since a serial killer in the 80s.

Now the police are afraid the newspapers are going to run big articles about this. They're afraid the reporters will be able to piece together that both people were on the swim team. I hope the news people do find that out. It would be the best way to protect the others without me telling them.

I'm going to end this post here and try to find something constructive to do. Not likely, but I can always try.

R.C.